This Really Sucks!!!!

Our agency passed on the news that the CCAA only matched families for 2 days of LID's this month. I think the days were the 25th & 26th of October because CHI said something about our agency families had LID's of 10.27.05 and beyond. This is REALLY BAD!!!!! At this rate, we might not see a referral for 2 or 3 years. Not the 15 months we expected when all our paperwork was sent off to China in November. So now Lane and I are re-evaluating how much longer we want to wait. Whether we want to hold out for a Waiting Child and hope we adopt one by the end of this year (or early next year) or if we want to pull our paperwork and do the domestic adoption route again. Something I'm completely dreading because it took us 2 1/2 years to find Eriks and it could possibly take that long again and by then, we'd hope to have a daughter from China. Unfortunately, but I totally understand where CHI is coming from we cannot pursue an adoption with them and pursue another adoption somewhere else. They take their accrediation with China and the fact that they're one of the top China adoption agencies very seriously and they would hate to have anything change that. Especially since China has a rule that you can't pursue 2 adoptions at once either however other agencies allow it to happen.

I was very depressed yesterday when I read this on the CHI message boards as Eriks is now almost 3 1/2 years old and I did not expect this age gap between children. Also, the bad thing is that if we do hold out for our daughter from China, Lane will be in his early 40's (he's turning 39 tomorrow), getting ready to retire from the Air Force and looking to start law school. This means that we will have to stop at 2 children. It's something I'm trying to convince myself I'm okay with, but in all honesty, I don't know if 3 or 4 years down the road I will be happy with just a family of the 4 of us. Lane and I always dreamed of 4 children. It's what we had planned even before we got married. I know it's out of our control but it's unfair and I'm getting really tired of life always seeming to be unfair to us. We've dealt with so much garbage and obstacles in our nearly 11 years of marriage and I'm tired of it.