Blogger is being a pain and so I can't type before the photos. So instead I have to start with a photo and then continue. Grrrr...
There's been enough going on and I really need a release so I'm here.
Yes, I am stressed. So stressed that it's causing my stomach to turn and feel like it's on fire. Ulcer?? Who knows. But my stomach's not happy and I don't feel like eating because of it.
Anyhow, so I must warn you now, this very well could be a long post, so go get a beer, a glass of wine, a soda, water, whatever your beverage of choice and possibly even a snack before you begin reading.
We move in 3 months. 3 MONTHS!!! I'm so not ready to leave. I'm excited about GA and all those bloggers there that I pray will become my friends however, Lane and I went to Eriks school for a PTO meeting and an open house and while we were walking along the sidewalk back to the car, I began to cry. Yes, cry. I love this school and never thought I would get so attached to it. I thought, not a big deal, there will be another school. But, every day at 2:45 when I pick Eriks up he is so sad because school is over and doesn't want to come home. He'd rather stay there. Last night it was everything I had hoped for when I became the mother of a child in school. I felt like I was a part of a great place and community for Eriks. But, then I realized, all these kids would continue through school together for a very long time and felt that because of Lane's job, it was something I was robbing my son of. I felt very sad for him that he'd spend the next 2 yrs in another school and then after that he'd go to yet a new school. I guess there was a reason God waited so long to bless us with Eriks. He didn't want us having to pull him in and out of schools until Lane retired. I am thankful that it will only be 3 schools. I can't imagine what Lane went through having to attend so many different schools.
I need my house to sell. I know it's only be on the market for 10 days but it feels like forever. We're thinking that if we don't sell it, we will rent it until the housing market stablizes a little more. Not that I'm looking forward to it but we can't afford to lose money on our house either. So if everyone can say a prayer for us we'd really appreciate it.
I have been so crazy with the house that I haven't picked up my school books in nearly 3 weeks. And I'm not happy about it. I need to start again this weekend. I've had to file an extention on these classes and need to get them done so I can pick up some more. Graduating from college is a must for me and it's one thing I'm determined not to fail at. I've already failed at so many other things in my life. At least it seems that way.
Lane is so over his job. He likes his job but he's having so many issues at work that he's ready to move on. Lane and another guy *Bob*, are the only 2 active duty guys in charge of their program and they are both leaving. *Bob* is retiring in Oct and Lane is going to GA in Dec. The group that they're attached to doesn't want to send people to take their place. This means that there will be no one to be the liason between the military side and the civilian side. The commander of the group that Lane is attached to doesn't think they do enough "work" to require him sending people there. Um, yeah, right. I'd love to laugh in the guys face right now. Lane's partner in crime had to take time for some family issues a few weeks ago and it was unbearable for Lane. Not only did Lane have to do his job, he had to do his partners job. His life was hell. Then it doesn't help that Lane's new boss (the guy who took over their group in May) still has no clue what Lane and *Bob* do. WTF??? How can you be in charge and not know what your team does? About a week ago Lane's partner in crime, *Bob* called Lane at home (he was here because he had to take me to the doctor - more on that later) and he just listened to *Bob* complain about not only their group commander but also the group commander that won't send people to take over their jobs. *Bob* felt bad for needing a "bitch" session but he had to vent. I told Lane to tell *Bob* that I wish I were in on the conversation so I could throw my thoughts (ie, fuel) on the fire. I'm just really angry about all this because Lane and *Bob's* hands are tied.
So the doctor deal...nothing major. I thought I had injured my foot, badly. About 6 weeks after we moved here I broke my foot - majorly. The break separated 4 of my toes from the rest of the foot. I have some occasional tenderness which doctors have said can happen in places where you break bones. So I assumed that's what my deal was. Maybe I had twisted my ankle in my sleep. Who knows. But it got worse. So bad that I could barely walk on my foot. So off to the Ortho doc I went. This is what he tells me, "You have gout." Great. Not the 1st time but the 2nd and it has been at least 6 or 7 yrs since the first time. So I get put on anti-inflammatory meds that I had to stop taking after 2 days. Why??? I blew up like a balloon. There was no warning, I had to go online to find out that it causes massive water retention. In 2 days I had packed on nearly 8 lbs of fluid. With my irregular heart rate issues, that wasn't going to work. So I had to stop. Talked to one of my nurses yesterday and she says, "You know, gout a lot of times is caused by stress." Why didn't someone tell me this!!!! So I've had to alter my diet. Not necessarily a bad thing, but I've been consuming lots of red & blue berries and pineapple.
On to adoption news...
As many of you know, we are currently with an agency who has been denied Ha.gue accreditation. This is bad. The CC@@ has been sending out referrals still, but they will not send SN referrals. This I do not understand since their policy is that all families must have an LID in order to even adopt a SN child. I'm beyond annoyed about this. Our agency doesn't have a whole lot of answers, etc. I don't expect answers, but I do expect some communication that they're doing their darndest to take care of us caught in this fiasco. They're closing almost all, if not all of their branch offices. Our office has shut it's doors so now we have to deal with the main office.
The big deal with this for us is that we've already filed for our 1 time free extension of our I-600@. After that we'll have to fill out the I-800@ which is a pain in the A-S-S. The biggest issue for us with the I-800@ is that it's very strict on criminal background checks. What this means is that Lane and I would have to go back and get criminal background checks in every state we've ever lived in. I'm assuming that's since the age of 18 and not our entire lives. As of Dec, I will have lived in 7 different states, Lane in 8. How are we supposed to afford getting background checks in that many states?? And what many people have told me who are now having to deal with the I-800@ bureaucratic BS is that they've had to have it re-done 5, 6, 7 times in order for it to be submitted with all the necessary info. One of my blogger buddies in GA is going through it now and it's been VERY rough on her. If we have to return to all the states we've lived in for background checks - if it comes to that - then we'll have to say farewell to our hopes and dreams of a little girl from China. We just can't afford it.
So that being said, Lane and I are seriously discussing another domestic adoption. Being through what we had gone through for Eriks I just didn't think I could put myself through that again. It was very difficult. But with the way things are looking now, we don't seem to have any other adoptions.
This is what I'm putting out to all who read my blog. When we get to GA we will have a new homestudy done to do a domestic adoption. We'll wait on the international HS until we know if we're going to have to do an I-800@ or not. If you know anyone who knows someone who knows someone else, etc that is considering putting a baby girl up for adoption please, please, please contact me. Yes, I know I'm being gender specific but if we never adopt again, we know Eriks will have the little sister he won't stop talking about. He doesn't want a brother. We are open to bi-racial children (caucasian - black american, caucasian - hispanic, caucasian - asian) and full caucasian, full hispanic, full asian. We don't have much money to do an adoption but we do have a warm home and lots of love to give.
Not only is this all hard on Lane and me, but it's really starting to affect Eriks. I know Eriks is not meant to be an only child. Last week he was telling his teacher all about his baby sister. She was very confused because she knows I'm not pregnant. So she asked me about it and I told her what the status is. When we were walking to the car, Eriks was holding my hand and this is what he said:
E - "Mommy. When Emilija gets here I'm going to share all my toys with her and teach her lots of stuff. I'm even going to watch my favorite movie with her."
Me - "Eriks, what's your favorite movie?"
E - "Cinderella."
Me - "I think Emilija would like that very much."
Now tell me that doesn't break your heart??? Just thinking about it is making me cry. He talks about her on at least a weekly basis, sometimes even more frequent. I know we kind of opened the door to this when we told him that we wanted to adopt a sister for him just like he was adopted. But still, for it to take this long...
Below are photos of Eriks playing Colts football with Lane on Sunday. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE my new DSLR. It took those great photos below.
Hopefully no one had to get up for a refill. Sorry it was so long but I had so much to get off my chest and now feel a little better.
Time to head to the grocery and pick up a few things and then go pick up Eriks from school.
There's been enough going on and I really need a release so I'm here.
Yes, I am stressed. So stressed that it's causing my stomach to turn and feel like it's on fire. Ulcer?? Who knows. But my stomach's not happy and I don't feel like eating because of it.
Anyhow, so I must warn you now, this very well could be a long post, so go get a beer, a glass of wine, a soda, water, whatever your beverage of choice and possibly even a snack before you begin reading.
We move in 3 months. 3 MONTHS!!! I'm so not ready to leave. I'm excited about GA and all those bloggers there that I pray will become my friends however, Lane and I went to Eriks school for a PTO meeting and an open house and while we were walking along the sidewalk back to the car, I began to cry. Yes, cry. I love this school and never thought I would get so attached to it. I thought, not a big deal, there will be another school. But, every day at 2:45 when I pick Eriks up he is so sad because school is over and doesn't want to come home. He'd rather stay there. Last night it was everything I had hoped for when I became the mother of a child in school. I felt like I was a part of a great place and community for Eriks. But, then I realized, all these kids would continue through school together for a very long time and felt that because of Lane's job, it was something I was robbing my son of. I felt very sad for him that he'd spend the next 2 yrs in another school and then after that he'd go to yet a new school. I guess there was a reason God waited so long to bless us with Eriks. He didn't want us having to pull him in and out of schools until Lane retired. I am thankful that it will only be 3 schools. I can't imagine what Lane went through having to attend so many different schools.
I need my house to sell. I know it's only be on the market for 10 days but it feels like forever. We're thinking that if we don't sell it, we will rent it until the housing market stablizes a little more. Not that I'm looking forward to it but we can't afford to lose money on our house either. So if everyone can say a prayer for us we'd really appreciate it.
I have been so crazy with the house that I haven't picked up my school books in nearly 3 weeks. And I'm not happy about it. I need to start again this weekend. I've had to file an extention on these classes and need to get them done so I can pick up some more. Graduating from college is a must for me and it's one thing I'm determined not to fail at. I've already failed at so many other things in my life. At least it seems that way.
Lane is so over his job. He likes his job but he's having so many issues at work that he's ready to move on. Lane and another guy *Bob*, are the only 2 active duty guys in charge of their program and they are both leaving. *Bob* is retiring in Oct and Lane is going to GA in Dec. The group that they're attached to doesn't want to send people to take their place. This means that there will be no one to be the liason between the military side and the civilian side. The commander of the group that Lane is attached to doesn't think they do enough "work" to require him sending people there. Um, yeah, right. I'd love to laugh in the guys face right now. Lane's partner in crime had to take time for some family issues a few weeks ago and it was unbearable for Lane. Not only did Lane have to do his job, he had to do his partners job. His life was hell. Then it doesn't help that Lane's new boss (the guy who took over their group in May) still has no clue what Lane and *Bob* do. WTF??? How can you be in charge and not know what your team does? About a week ago Lane's partner in crime, *Bob* called Lane at home (he was here because he had to take me to the doctor - more on that later) and he just listened to *Bob* complain about not only their group commander but also the group commander that won't send people to take over their jobs. *Bob* felt bad for needing a "bitch" session but he had to vent. I told Lane to tell *Bob* that I wish I were in on the conversation so I could throw my thoughts (ie, fuel) on the fire. I'm just really angry about all this because Lane and *Bob's* hands are tied.
So the doctor deal...nothing major. I thought I had injured my foot, badly. About 6 weeks after we moved here I broke my foot - majorly. The break separated 4 of my toes from the rest of the foot. I have some occasional tenderness which doctors have said can happen in places where you break bones. So I assumed that's what my deal was. Maybe I had twisted my ankle in my sleep. Who knows. But it got worse. So bad that I could barely walk on my foot. So off to the Ortho doc I went. This is what he tells me, "You have gout." Great. Not the 1st time but the 2nd and it has been at least 6 or 7 yrs since the first time. So I get put on anti-inflammatory meds that I had to stop taking after 2 days. Why??? I blew up like a balloon. There was no warning, I had to go online to find out that it causes massive water retention. In 2 days I had packed on nearly 8 lbs of fluid. With my irregular heart rate issues, that wasn't going to work. So I had to stop. Talked to one of my nurses yesterday and she says, "You know, gout a lot of times is caused by stress." Why didn't someone tell me this!!!! So I've had to alter my diet. Not necessarily a bad thing, but I've been consuming lots of red & blue berries and pineapple.
On to adoption news...
As many of you know, we are currently with an agency who has been denied Ha.gue accreditation. This is bad. The CC@@ has been sending out referrals still, but they will not send SN referrals. This I do not understand since their policy is that all families must have an LID in order to even adopt a SN child. I'm beyond annoyed about this. Our agency doesn't have a whole lot of answers, etc. I don't expect answers, but I do expect some communication that they're doing their darndest to take care of us caught in this fiasco. They're closing almost all, if not all of their branch offices. Our office has shut it's doors so now we have to deal with the main office.
The big deal with this for us is that we've already filed for our 1 time free extension of our I-600@. After that we'll have to fill out the I-800@ which is a pain in the A-S-S. The biggest issue for us with the I-800@ is that it's very strict on criminal background checks. What this means is that Lane and I would have to go back and get criminal background checks in every state we've ever lived in. I'm assuming that's since the age of 18 and not our entire lives. As of Dec, I will have lived in 7 different states, Lane in 8. How are we supposed to afford getting background checks in that many states?? And what many people have told me who are now having to deal with the I-800@ bureaucratic BS is that they've had to have it re-done 5, 6, 7 times in order for it to be submitted with all the necessary info. One of my blogger buddies in GA is going through it now and it's been VERY rough on her. If we have to return to all the states we've lived in for background checks - if it comes to that - then we'll have to say farewell to our hopes and dreams of a little girl from China. We just can't afford it.
So that being said, Lane and I are seriously discussing another domestic adoption. Being through what we had gone through for Eriks I just didn't think I could put myself through that again. It was very difficult. But with the way things are looking now, we don't seem to have any other adoptions.
This is what I'm putting out to all who read my blog. When we get to GA we will have a new homestudy done to do a domestic adoption. We'll wait on the international HS until we know if we're going to have to do an I-800@ or not. If you know anyone who knows someone who knows someone else, etc that is considering putting a baby girl up for adoption please, please, please contact me. Yes, I know I'm being gender specific but if we never adopt again, we know Eriks will have the little sister he won't stop talking about. He doesn't want a brother. We are open to bi-racial children (caucasian - black american, caucasian - hispanic, caucasian - asian) and full caucasian, full hispanic, full asian. We don't have much money to do an adoption but we do have a warm home and lots of love to give.
Not only is this all hard on Lane and me, but it's really starting to affect Eriks. I know Eriks is not meant to be an only child. Last week he was telling his teacher all about his baby sister. She was very confused because she knows I'm not pregnant. So she asked me about it and I told her what the status is. When we were walking to the car, Eriks was holding my hand and this is what he said:
E - "Mommy. When Emilija gets here I'm going to share all my toys with her and teach her lots of stuff. I'm even going to watch my favorite movie with her."
Me - "Eriks, what's your favorite movie?"
E - "Cinderella."
Me - "I think Emilija would like that very much."
Now tell me that doesn't break your heart??? Just thinking about it is making me cry. He talks about her on at least a weekly basis, sometimes even more frequent. I know we kind of opened the door to this when we told him that we wanted to adopt a sister for him just like he was adopted. But still, for it to take this long...
Below are photos of Eriks playing Colts football with Lane on Sunday. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE my new DSLR. It took those great photos below.
Hopefully no one had to get up for a refill. Sorry it was so long but I had so much to get off my chest and now feel a little better.
Time to head to the grocery and pick up a few things and then go pick up Eriks from school.
8 comments:
Wow! Sounds like you need a girls night out.
Oh, and anytime Eriks wants to watch Cinderella tell him he can watch it with Clara! I would be happy to loan her out as a little sister for a little while. wink wink
LOVE those pictures! He is SO cute!
THREE months! At least you won't have to wait forever!!! ;-)
Sorry you're sad and stressed about the move. I know it must be hard for you all, but especially when you have the added 'mommy guilt' for Eriks. On the bright side, at least you should be settled by Christmas in your new home.
Good luck with getting your college work done - and hey! you're not failing at being a mom, so if you can do the world's most important job well then give yourself credit, not a hard time!!
Shame red wine isn't on the list of gout & stress relieving diet aids along with red berries. I'm sure it'd help with the stress :)
I'm keeping my fingers crossed and saying a prayer that your agency 'stuff' is sorted and your adoption can move forward. Domestic or international, I pray you have your little girl soon.
This wasnt' a very long blog at all!!! Keep the faith! All will work out with the adoption.
My girls would love to play with Eriks again:)
Take care and I'm glad I checked your blog today!
First, Erik looks great as 88! Quinn has an 88, too. Hopefully there will be more to cheer about this week.
On a more serious note: Stress is right. Yikes. We'll keep good thoughts for you, particularly on the adoption front. And yes, Eriks' quote was sooo sweet. Someday you'll get to see that in action.
Take care!
I am sooo sorry you are so stressed out. I wish I could help! Try to hang in there!
Any chance Eriks has a biological sister out there that he is pining for on some level? His longing sounds like much more than wanting an adopted sibling.
No Eriks has no sisters. He has 3 brothers, 2 full and one that's a 1/2 brother. His birth mother keeps us pretty up to date on not only her and the boys but also Eriks birth father whom she's no longer with. She'd definitely say something if he had another child with someone else.
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