And no, I'm not talking about the comic strip although it is one of my 2 favorites that I read on a regular basis. I'm talking about the still not a mom again baby blues. It seems to be going around with my fellow blogging buddies and I too have caught the bug.
I know these issues are beyond my control but nonetheless, it's EXTREMELY hard to deal with. Eriks is about to turn 4, Lane is about to turn 40 and it seems like we are getting no where when it comes to adding to our family. I'm frustrated, disappointed and sad that it's taking me so long to fulfill my wish to become a mom again.
Our agency tells us that they should get another WC list either next month or November. I'm having a hard time being patient waiting for it. Is the 6th time going to be a charm or am I going to get disappointed all over again when we have failed to find our daughter that we believe in our hearts has a special need. Am I going to become an emotional wreck when we don't get the call after submitting a request or multiple requests like last time? Do I even bother going through with the process for a WC knowing the possibility of disappointment?
I don't read the RQ on a regular basis. Actually I haven't even looked at her site in months. But the recent news that an agency who has families with 2006 LID's received referrals has really pi$$ed me off. How in the world did they get special treatment? Did the families pay China more for this preferential treatment???? If that's the case where do I sign up???
It also doesn't help that my cousin and BF from high school are both pregnant and due in February & April. I'm not holding it against them - I'm actually quite happy for them. But it doesn't make the pain any less knowing that their children are born before I get to hold my daughter from China in my arms.
So I think for now, I probably should leave my blogging be since I don't have much positive to say. I will continue to read everyone's blogs and comment where I see fit. But I just can't bear to blog about nothing when I'm feeling like the end will never be in sight.
6 comments:
Sorry you're feeling down. :(
Which cousin is pregnant? And which friend?
I'm right there with you...hang in there.
Ok, I wish I knew how to make you feel better, but I don't. Since I am one of the preggos I should probably keep my mouth shut but..... so far being pregnant sucks. I know what a horrible thing to say. I cringe saying it, but I think that God makes us pay for everything that is worth having. Just remember that. I will keep praying for you.
I'm right there with ya. Got a really bad case of the blues lately. But I'll be pulling myself out of it soon... I can't stand feeling depressed and sorry for myself. So I can't let this last too long. Need to get my head straight. I hope you can find some peace soon, too.
I hope you start feeling better soon....I love looking at your blog. Hang in there, sweetie.
I know the wait is just grueling. Try to hang in there. Thinking of you...
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